Jokes

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Derek on February 11, 2008 at 1:17pm

A stranger was seated next to a little 5th grade girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk.'

'I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'

Oh, I don't know', said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?'

'OK'. she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first: 'A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'

To which the little girl replies: 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know crap?

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Marvin Price on September 15, 2008 at 11:50am

Love this.
Gonna use this.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by MacDavid on October 5, 2008 at 3:28pm

This was hilarious!! Developed a cough from laughing so hard! Thanks!!! jk

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Derek on February 11, 2008 at 1:19pm

A plane was going to Houston. This blonde lady enters the plane and plops herself in a first class. She says to the flight attendant (FA), "I am blonde, I am beautiful, I going to Houston, and I am sitting in first class."

The FA says, "Ok, fine. Let me see your boarding pass."

The blonde hands over the pass, and it clear shows a coach class seat.

The FA says, "I sorry, but your assigned seat is in coash. You have to go sit there."

The blonde says "Nope. I am blonde, I am beautiful, I going to Houston, and I am sitting in first class."

The FA finds another FA to help her out. She tells the lady that she has to move. "Nope. I am blonde, I am beautiful, and I am sitting in first class."

The FA's are all baffled as to what to do. So they ask the Captain for help. He looks back, see the lady, and says, "It's ok. I speak 'blonde' - my wife is blonde. I'll help"

The Captain gets up, approaches the lady, says a few words to her. The lady confidently get up, and goes the back of the plane - no fuss at all.

The FA are all amazed, and asked the Captain what he said.

"I told her that the First Class wasn't going to Houston."

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by I'm sitting in the dark playing with scotch tape. on February 11, 2008 at 1:40pm

a horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'why the long face?'

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Derek on February 11, 2008 at 3:56pm

This actually happened to me (in my youth):

This guy came to school with this empty coke bottle. At each class, he'd put his books down on the table, and then set the empty bottle next to them.

He pretended like everything was normal, and did what ever he needed to do in each class.

In the last class of the day, he did the same. Book down, empty coke next to them.

Finally, someone asked him why was he carrying that empty coke bottle with him to every class.

He said:

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, then a frontal lobotomy.

(uh, it was a bit deep for us too at the time.)

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Mulk on February 12, 2008 at 4:10pm

how did the turtle cross the street
hint : take the F out of free and the F out of way.


Hope you get

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by I'm sitting in the dark playing with scotch tape. on June 28, 2008 at 10:36pm

since no-one-else will: "But there's no 'F' in way!"

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by I'm sitting in the dark playing with scotch tape. on June 28, 2008 at 10:40pm

Q: If Honey Bees make honey, what do Bumble Bees make?
A: Tuna.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Derek on June 29, 2008 at 12:37am

B-man to that! (from "The Bee Movie").

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Alex V. on June 29, 2008 at 3:26pm

So, the CIA wants to hire a new field agent, and they're down to three people: two men and a woman. So the interviewer gives the first man a gun and says:
- In that room is your wife. If you want this job, go in and kill her.
The man reluctantly takes the gun, goes into the room, and comes out after 5 minutes.
- I can't, I just can't, I'm sorry...

Then the interviewer gives the second man the gun and says:
- In that room is your wife. If you want this job, go in and kill her.
The man takes the gun, walks confidently into the room, and comes out after 15 minutes.
- I'm sorry, I can't do it, she's the light of my life, I just can't...

So the interviewer finally gives the gun to the woman and says:
- In that room is your husband. If you want this job, go in and kill him.
She takes the gun, walks into the room and closes the door. After a few minutes all kinds of noises start coming out from the room, and after 30 minutes she comes out and says:
- The gun you gave me had no bullets in it, but I managed to kill the bastard with the chair.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by I'm sitting in the dark playing with scotch tape. on June 30, 2008 at 2:16pm

Q: How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: That's "womyn" with a Y, and it's not funny!

▶ Reply to This

• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• 5
• 6
• 7
• ...
• 19
• 20
• 21