How to break up with a fragile person?

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Permalink Reply by Marco luc on June 30, 2007 at 9:21am

oh Terry Ann thanks for your answer ! Yeah actually i know what you mean, but by bad things i was refering to "suicide attempt" and she tried to starve herself..well just thinking about this makes me feel really bad. I really feel chained and i can't move. I risk to lose the one i love, and i can't do anything. Do you have some ideas? I already told her everything..

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Permalink Reply by ILLUS on June 30, 2007 at 3:41pm

Just have sex with them both until they either
a. both dump you
b. one tries to eliminate the other
c. they both want you so bad they are willing to share
d. you meet the real woman of your dreams that will have you so crazy for her you won't care about another persons feelings you would just do whatever it takes to be with that person.

Until then- be young, have fun and put a silencer on your gun.

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Permalink Reply by Derek on June 30, 2007 at 4:00pm

Hook Michelle up with someone else - a friend of your. Then her that he is better than you for her.

Or develop a bad habit that the Michelle does not like. That might scare her away.

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Permalink Reply by Marco luc on June 30, 2007 at 7:17pm

lol, you really made me laugh man. thx
anyway you're right, the last solution is the one for me i guess..for now i'm so tired to think about anything, but i'll do that for sure. "put a silencer on ur gun" lol yea

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Permalink Reply by Steve Woolf on June 30, 2007 at 10:34pm

You can't be held responsibly for someone else's actions, remember that. If you present girlfriend is that unstable, you probably don't have a very healthy relationship, and she should probably see a shrink or something.

The heart wants what the heart wants. Just be honest with everyone involved and let the chips fall where they may. Your present girlfriend should understand that you care about her very much and that you don't want her to hurt herself, but that you have to live your life and sometime things don't work out.

Relationships are hard that way. Honestly is always the best policy.

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Permalink Reply by Marco luc on July 1, 2007 at 4:43am

yes you are all right. I will put much effort in retrying to explain things to her and always be more honest. If you're honest with yourself you can be honest with other people around. In the beginning i thought she just needed time, but i guess i should cut the relationship as soon as possible if i don't want to hurt her more.
Anyway i can't go on like this, and she neither, i see how much she's hurt everyday. Love is not always the way we want it to be. But I am sure she will find someone who will love her like crazy someday. She is a sweet girl.

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Permalink Reply by Bill Cammack on July 1, 2007 at 4:36pm

The way to break up with fragile people is to act like a jerk until they break up with YOU so they think it's THEIR idea.

--
DatingGenius

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Permalink Reply by Nick on July 6, 2007 at 7:10pm

Yeah i def agree with Bill here! That is probably the best way to be selfish and self-less at the same time. Then no one really know who broke up with who. "Mutual" Alright so i really feel like no matter how many people give you advice on this subject your going to choose what you think is right. So wether or not you feel it was a good idea later in life. Remember the grass is always greener on the other side, but your still going to keep your grass cut. So to sum it all up. Life goes on so dont second guess yourself. Have Fun!

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Permalink Reply by Eric Evans on July 1, 2007 at 6:55pm

oh man, same thing happend to me. My gf is korean, she is in korea now(lives there grew up there..) I met her in sandiego while i was a marine. We have been gf/bf almost 3 years. Actually been with her in person maybe like a year and a half. Well, recently i fell in love with this girl i knew in high school. Didnt mean to do so, but it happend. she has a bf who was in afghan. So here we are my gf in korea, and her bf in afghanistan. hes 30 and has 2 kids btw... ughh. anyways we were pretty much bf/gf until her boyfriend unexpectedly was coming home. i didnt know how much i cared for her until i heard that news. So he came home, and then went back to cali. This girl and I had awesome times EVERYTIME we did anything. I was not willing to break up with my girl, and she has a job in cali all lined up a contract included.. anyways, i ended up breaking up with my korea. During the phone call, it was the hardest thing i've ever done, i was balling i couldnt get it out. This other girl seemed like nothing to me. I realized maybe i do love my korean, but if i am having feelings for other girls, and she is willing to risk her awesome job in korea, and pretty much her whole life, it might be best to get my head straight before she comes over. So i finally got it out. By the way, i told my morean about this girl and a few others...anyways, i called her about 2 weeks later, and she said she was quitting her job and taking a year vacation! I was like, you knw what, come over in july still and we will see if we work out. The girl is still in cali with her bf..my girl is coming in july still. I guess the moral of the story is we always want what we cant have. anddd the grass is always greener on the other side. I tried to forget about the girl with the bf, but she kept callin and wanting to hang out, it killed me once, and everyime i hung out/talked with her it killed me inside, i kno this is kind of rambling now, but im still not over either of them, and i dont know what to do. I was scared my korean was going to do something too. Cuz one time i told her i cant do this long distance thing nemore, she threw up and passed out! now thats love for me! You just have to be completely honest from the beginning to prevent this. And who knows what will happen between us, BUt at this time were both willing to try and live together for a year. Both currently have a special place in my heart, only time will tell. I never knew what love was until this year....and man, what an emotional roller coaster!

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Permalink Reply by Zadi on July 1, 2007 at 10:19pm

Marco - I had a very, very close person to me go through the same thing you're going through. He didn't want to break up with his girlfriend because she threatened to end her life various times and he was afraid that a breakup would push her off the edge... he didn't want to be responsible for it.

The odd thing is that holding something like suicide over a person's head is a form of manipulation. Not understanding why you're breaking up with her and holding on to you in that way is not healthy for either of you. There are probably many things this girl needs to resolve with herself before being in a relationship with another person.

This doesn't mean you can't be there for her as a friend. But it's not your responsibility to save her life... that's hers. You should be happy in yours -- and be with someone you love. Hopefully one day she'll be able to be happy as well.

I would talk to Michelle. Be honest... and give it some time (and distance) before starting with Lara... Lara deserves that too.

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Permalink Reply by Marco luc on July 2, 2007 at 2:22am

Zadi you're the first who got into the real problem..yes I know and somehow it hurts seeing someone you shared so many things acting this way as if life should stop here and now.

About Lara, I talked to her yesterday, and fortunately she understood my situation enough for not being angry anymore and wait. i feel bad for her, being in this situation because of me. I also really need some time too, I hope in the end time will help.

You don't realise it when life turns out this way, and when you open your eyes, you are already in this case, so I really hope it would never happen to you or anyone, this is scary.

I guess in the end time is the answer, talking, honesty and time.

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Permalink Reply by Bill Cammack on July 2, 2007 at 7:28am

Well, that's different. If you just want to get rid of her, act like a jerk, and she'll go away. However, in the case where she doesn't want to leave you regardless of what you do, it depends on what you're willing to live with.

She's either bluffing about killing herself or she's not. It comes down to whether you're willing to take that chance (with HER life). If you're not willing to walk away from her, you've landed in the category that a lot of married guys are in, which is called "cheaper to keep her". :D

There are guys that are married to women they don't want anymore, but they don't want to go through the costs of divorcing them and having legal actions against them for alimony and potentially child support. Therefore, it really IS "cheaper to keep her". They don't get rid of the wife, but they do whatever they want on the side. That way, they still live their lives and less money comes out of their pockets than if they were totally free of her.

Same thing for you if you're not willing to break up with her because she's claiming that she's going to kill herself. You have to find a way to keep her and still live YOUR life. Either that, or if she's still attractive, you might be able to pawn her off on a co-worker or someone that's not your friend, because you don't want to dump a problem like this in a friend's lap. Get soemone to start hanging out with you and her so she can transfer her co-dependent behavior to HIM and you can ease out of the picture.

--
DatingGenius

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